Crab People Domination
by nemiah
Summary: the return of many, many secondary characters that haven't been seen for years. all to the tune of Kyle and Cartman trapped in the community center while the crab people take over. and yes, the summary does suck, thanks for noticing. OH HIATUS
1. Trapped in a Community Center

**I really don't remember where the idea for this came from, but here it is. The return of dozens if not hundreds of South Park characters that have not been seen since...any later than season 6 I think **

**Oh, and before starting, I'd like to thank Angelic Guardian for helping me come up with the idea, and RemmyBlack for agreeing with me that Killing Kenny is fun, and giving me ideas for random parts of this story. Now on with the story...**

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It was a typical day in South Park, Colorado. At the bus stop, you could see four boys, having decided that it would be fun to return to their old hangout. Why weren't they at someone's house watching TV you might ask?

Well...Cartman's house was being fumigated, Stan's sister Shelly was on her period, Kenny lived in the ghetto, and Kyle's cousin Kyle was at his house. So you see why they'd decided to return to the Bus Stop that had shared many, many traumatic experiences at.

"You know Kahl, if there's one thing I hate more than Jews, it's Jews named Kahl who wear glasses, and are all around Jewish stereotypes form Connecticut" said Cartman, the fat kid

"Well, if there's one thing I hate more than fat bastards, it's fat bastards named Cartman, who are also Nazi's" retorted Kyle

"Dude, can't you guys stop fighting for like 10 minutes!" this was Stan, the normal kid. Well, as normal ask could be in a town like South Park

"mmph ilmph" said a voice muffled by an orange parka drawn tightly around the wearers face. This was Kenny, the last of the group of four.

"Yeah, Kenny's right. We'll never stop fighting until Cartman stops belittling my people"

"Well, I won't stop till you stop being such a goddam Jew!"

Kyle and Cartman started fighting again. And when I say again, I mean that this was the millionth time this had happened. Man, to say they didn't get along would be an understatement.

Anyway, they were fighting, and Stan and Kenny tried to stop them from fighting, but one of them ended up punching Kenny, who fell onto the street and got ran over by a random monster truck.

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" exclaimed Stan

"You Bastards!" cried Kyle, before getting punched in the face by his adversaries yellow gloved hand. Kyle kicked him in the crotch, and Cartman, not willing to go down that easily, tried to push Kyle onto the street to see if he would suffer a similar fate to Kenny's.

Unfortunately, he miscalculated, and ended up causing him and Kyle to roll down the hill they were on, and they didn't stop until they reached the community center. The door closed upon their entry, trapping the two boys in there.

Immediately, they stopped trying to punch and kick each other. They both stood up and looked around, Kyle supporting a bruised shin and Cartman nursing his black eye. They were surrounded by tall boxes, and tarps covered the windows. The only light came from the flickering bulbs in the ceiling, causing the place to be bathed in a calming yellow glow.

Kyle's watch beeped, announcing it was dinner time. "Well, fatass, it seems our time together has come to an end. Now if you excuse me, I have to go to Stan's house for dinner."

"Aw, you have a date with your little boyfriend?" taunted Cartman

"He is not my Boyfriend" cried Kyle, walking to the door and tugging on the handle. It wouldn't budge. "damn" he whispered and pulled harder

"Move aside, Jew. My mom's bringing KFC today, and I don't want to be late either." he too tried to pull on the door, but it wouldn't budge.

"Maybe you're supposed to pull" said Kyle, getting worried

Cartman attempted to push the heavy door, but it wouldn't budge. He cursed under his breath, and walked back a few paces.

"Giving up?" asked Kyle, surprised. The Cartman he knew didn't give up.

"Shut up, Jew" said Cartman, before charging at the door, and slamming his weight into it. Now, if this was a normal door, it would have shattered. But since this was South Park, and considering all the crap that happened there, it was bullet proof, fire proof, lightning, homeless, guinea pig, bus, natural disaster, unnatural disaster, boat, crap, and random anything proof with an indestructible lock. So all that ended up happening is that Cartman bounced off and landed in a squishy box that held bags of marshmallows

Well, that didn't work. Kyle walked over to the door and gave it a gentle shove, which usually ended up opening doors. This was South Park, remember. Lot's of crap had happened in the last several decades. Of course, this door wouldn't open that easily, or without a fight.

"Well, fatass, it looks like were stuck in here for the time being. Nothing to do till they come and rescue us." said Kyle, going to sit near the still dazed Cartman and taking a bag of marshmallows

His words seemed to wake up the larger boy. He sprang up and shook Kyle violently, his hands holding onto his shoulders tightly. "I can't be stuck in here with you!" he screamed

"Well, we can't do anything about it, so stop shaking me" said Kyle, trying to avoid having his tongue bitten off. Yes, he was being shaken that much.

"Well, I hope they get us out soon. I'm hungry" said Cartman. He sat down next to Kyle and took another bag of marshmallows He opened it, and both boys ate their respective bags quickly. Cartman yawned and fell asleep on the box of marshmallows Kyle set off to explore the community center, hopping to find a back door or something.

3 hours later, he went back to where Cartman was peacefully sleeping on top of the marshmallows "Nothing. Were stuck in here." he said to himself, as he collapsed next to his sort-of-friend. He closed his eyes, and fell asleep.

_Several hours later..._

"Kyle! Cartman! Where are you!" yelled Stan at the top of his lungs, walking through the outskirts of South Park

"Mfyle, Camphn!" yelled Kenny, walking next to Stan. He'd re-spawned a few hours ago in front of Stan's house and ate dinner there, as Kyle hadn't shown up. Then, about an hour ago, Sheila Brofloski, Kyle's energetic mom, came to the Marsh residence followed by Leanne Cartman. Both were looking for their sons, who hadn't come home.

'And now here we are, walking in the middle of nowhere' thought Kenny, running to catch up to Stan, who'd gotten a bit ahead of him.

Suddenly, a squirrel leaped at Kenny and got on the inside of the orange hood. It started clawing at his face, and in a matter of seconds, Kenny was dead. Rats came up out of nowhere and started carting away his remains.

Stan turned around and saw his friend was dead. "Oh my God! They Killed Kenny!" he said.

But the answering 'You Bastards!' never came

_back at the community center..._

Cartman woke up to the sounds of people calling their names. 'where am I?' he though. A small grunt followed by a warm shape cuddling up to him brought his attention to the small Jew sleeping next to him. Cartman got up quickly in disgust and walked up to the door and tried to peek outside.

Of course, along with the doors other features, it was also tinted so that the glass was almost black and thus impossible to peek out of, even in the daytime. It was impossible to see at night, on a new moon, when it was overcast, like today. Any light from inside was also blocked by the door, which meant the light of the Community center couldn't be seen outside. It didn't help that the lights dimmed at night either. All Cartman could make out were a few flickering torches here and there. But their bright glow was dimmed greatly by the glass.

"Ugh, where am I?" asked Kyle, getting up. He was cold now, where did the warmth go? That's when he remembered he'd fallen asleep next to Cartman, and blushed. Of course, it was so dark that Cartman could never see it.

"Were in the community center, Kahl." said Cartman, trying to peer outside the door.

"What's going on?" a very confused Kyle asked. They already knew the door didn't open, and Kyle hadn't found any bombs when he'd explored the building. A cry of 'kyle, Cartman, where are you!' answered his question.

"Sweet, were gonna be out of here soon." he said, going to stand next to his overweight friend. Of course, after a few minutes, it became obvious they weren't gonna look in the community center, so the two boys started making noise in a vain attempt to get the adults to notice them.

An hour later, the cries for the children stopped abruptly, to be replaced by an ominous silence

_where Stan is..._

At the moment that the cries stopped, Stan was still looking though the woods for any sign of his two friends. He heard a sound like the marching of thousands of Crab Legs, but thought that was stupid. This was Colorado, there were no live crabs here.

"Oh, shit. This is South Park!" he exclaimed. Anything could happen in South Park. He ran to the edge of the forest and looked out over the town. Everything was still peaceful. The adults were still walking around. Stan breathed a sigh of relief.

"Mmph umph?" asked a voice next to him that caused him to leap up, but thankfully he didn't hit the person on the way down.

"Oh, Ken, you scared me." said Stan

"Dffm, Hmmph mph umph!" said Kenny

"No, they haven't found them yet, but I heard crab feet." Explained Stan

"Mphb Fmmt?!" asked Kenny

"Well this is South Park." said Stan, recovering from his almost heart attack. Kenny nodded in agreement.

That's when the cries of the parents stopped. Every parent in South Park was now missing. No, there were still adults, just no parent's. That happens later, m'kay?

Anyway, when the cries of the parents stopped, Kenny and Stan ran over to where they'd last seen the flickering red torches. Had they found the other two boys? Yet when the two reached the main street of south park, they couldn't find anyone.

They started wandering around the streets looking for them, but couldn't find them at all. They both stopped in front of the door of the Community Center, unaware that behind that locked door stood their two friends, waiting for a rescue that might never come.

"Crap, I think they went home already." said Stan. He and Kenny ran off in the direction of Cartman's house. But before they got there, they crashed into a man.

"Omph" said Kenny, rubbing his parka covered head

"Eh, are you two alwight?" asked a voice in a heavy Chinese accent

It was the City Wok guy

_back in the community center, again..._

"Dude, what about us!?" cried Kyle after the retreating figures of Stan and Kenny

"They probably went to tell everyone where we are or something, Jew," said Cartman, as the other boys rounded a corner and disappeared from their view.

"Well, I hope they come back soon." said Kyle

"Yeah, they better." said Cartman

At that moment, a chant floated in from the air vents. It went something like

"Crab People, Crab People, Crab People, Crab People, Crab People, Crab People"

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**well, there it is, Ch. 1. yeah, I regret if it's a bit short, but I had to set the story in motion. And this way, I can update quicker. :). anyway, I'm sorry if it sucked, but please review so that I know what you people think.**

**And coming chapter 2, the return of the City Wok guy, and Kenny gets immortality. Well, he can't get killed either, I mean...oh you'll find out. Anyway, review, please :)**


	2. The City Wok Guy

**Wow, I haven't updated in weeks... I feel bad for neglecting the readers...But fear not...I have an excuse. You see, with the standardized testing coming up, I'm swamped with homework, and can hardly find any time to update my precious stories. Especially this one, but I'll try to update more often. **

**Yay, chapter two. Finally, I was scared I wouldn't get this out at all. I changed a couple of things, Cartman's 'accent' being the biggest change, and hopefully this chapter won't be so bad. Oh, and joining us today is ****Tuong Lu Kim, Aka, the City Wok Guy. Say hi**

**CWG: hello.**

**Anyway, I brought you another installment of 'crab people domination' enjoy it while it lasts **

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"Mph thff ity mfk phy!" Kenny exclaimed, rubbing the spot on his parka covered head that had collided with the Chinese man in front of them

"No shit, Sherlock" Stan said, albeit a bit sarcastically. Everyone could see that the City Wok Guy was in front of them, rubbing the spot on his arm where Stan had crashed into him.

The City Wok Guy got up, dusted himself off, and scanned his surroundings. The streets of South Park, an hour ago bustling with the people of a search party, were now completely empty.

a lone tumbleweed blew to the middle of the street, coming to stop in front of the community center, and caught on fire.

"Sho, where is everybody?" the City Wok guy asked, looking back at the two nine-year-olds, who had by now stood up.

"Pmll..." Kenny started...and caught on fire. The orange clad boy turned to look at his two companions and shrugged, as if to say 'well, figures this would happen eventually'

With Kenny reduced to a smile pile of ashes, Stan went to stand by his remains and looked at them in a slightly bored manner.

"Oh my god, they killed Kenny" he said halfheartedly. It wasn't as much fun without Kyle around. The wind picked up and changed directions, picking up Kenny's remains along with it.

"YOU BASTARDS!" a voice said, as the wind finished scooping up the ashes formerly known as Kenny McCormick and changing directions again, heading south west.

"Kyle?!" a bewildered Stan Marsh asked, looking around wildly for his best friend. A spark of hope that his friend hadn't disappeared like everyone else came to life.

That same spark was also crushed, stomped, and liquified by a crab, figuratively Because there was nobody there.

"Sho, about eberybody ershe?" asked the City Wok guy

_at the community center..._

The chant went on. A constant repetition of those two words. 'crab people, crab people' over and over. On and on. It was enough to turn Jesus into a murderer.

"Face it Kahl, they're gone. Now quit whining." said Cartman, the infernal 'crab people' chant getting on his last nerves

"No, I will not, fatass" Kyle yelled, glaring daggers at his overweight friend. Both of them had their faces pressed to the glass of the Community center's almost completely indestructible door. They were in vain trying to peer outside in hopes of seeing Stan and Kenny come back with the rescue party.

"Whatever, Jew. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be stuck in heah." Cartman said, turning to glare at Kyle.

"Well, if you didn't always belittle my people, we wouldn't be in this mess either," said the angry Jew.

The two boys kept arguing for a while, ignoring the flaming tumbleweed that rolled past the door.

"Seh heah Kahl, were stuck in here. It's that simple. It could be Kenny's fault for all we know." Cartman said calmly

"I know, but I can't help feeling angry at all of us for not even bothering to check in here."

"That's it Kahl, let your anger out"

Kyle took a deep breath. "YOU BASTARDS!" he yelled. "IT'S ALL YOUR DAMN FAULT I'M STUCK IN THE COMMUNITY CENTER, HAVING TO LISTEN TO THAT INFERNAL CHANT, BEING STUCK IN HERE WITH THAT..."

Cartman covered Kyle's mouth and said. "They stopped chanting." the Jew listened, and sure enough, the chanting had stopped, and in it's place was an almost tangible silence, the only sound the two boy's breathing. The silence was almost too quiet after all the chanting.

"When'd they stop?" Kyle asked, his voice slightly muffled by the hand covering his mouth

"I don't know Jew. What I want to know is what they're up to now." Cartman said, walking over to the piled boxes by the covered windows near the roof.

_The Grand Canyon, Arizona..._

Kenny re-spawned next to the Grand Canyon. '_at least I didn't spawn in midair and fall into the canyon_' he thought

"Mphell, omph oo Smff Pafft" Kenny said cheerfully, taking a step forward. Every journey begins with a single step.

He fell into the canyon

_The streets of South Park_

"They're not at Cartman's house..." said Stan, walking away from the windows and to the City Wok guy, who was standing in the driveway of the Cartman residence.

"Show, remmie get this straight. Your two friends, the fat one and the Jew are missing, and aw the parents participating in the rescue party disappeared, right.?" he asked

"Apparently. Right after the sound of crab feet actually. They're probably all over at Kyle's house or something." Stan said, leading the way to the familiar asparagus green house. "So...what have you been doing since we last saw you?"

"I..." started the City Wok guy, but he stopped abruptly when he noticed the small orange form beginning to materialize in front of them.

"Kenny!?" Stan asked

The orange clad figure nodded, once it finished spawning. "Stnf, mph immf tfmph amph mph!" he said

"You fell off the grand canyon?" a confused Stan asked in disbelief.

"mmf. Imph MPF ffm" Kenny said

"Oh, you fell INTO the canyon." said Stan. Yeah, that made more sense

Kenny nodded and asked the two where they were going now, to which the City Wok guy answered:

"Were going to shee if eberyone's at your friend's house."

"Mmphs tff hmphnt mphn mmnyphing?" Kenny asked. The other two shook their heads

_back at the community center_

"I can't reach it" Kyle said, his hand outstretched towards the black tarp only inches away.

"Damn good for nothing Jew." Cartman muttered

"Did you say something?" the green ushanka clad boy asked, lowering his hand and looking down at Cartman

Both boys were wondering what had happened to the chanters, and were attempting to take away a tarp so they may see outside.

"I said get off the damn boxes and let me try Kahl." the bigger boy said, standing next to the pile of boxes on which Kyle was perched.

Kyle sighed and climbed down the tower of boxes, jumping off the last one and landing next to Cartman

"You know that even if we do manage to reach a tarp, we probably won't be able to see outside anyway." Kyle said as Cartman started to climb the boxes. "I mean, it's new moon, and cloudy, and I assume most of the lights are off by now."

Cartman was at the top of the column of boxes. "Face it fatass, we can't take them off." A couple of seconds later, Cartman's fingers closed around a corner of the tarp.

"In your face, Jew" he said triumphantly, tightening his hold on the tarp and pulling on it. He took a step backwards and fell, his fingers letting go of the tarp.

Kyle winced as Cartman's body fell onto the ground, squishing a second box. While the first one contained marshmallows, this one contained Cheesy poofs.

"I told you so." Kyle said smugly

"Fuck you, Kahl" Cartman said, getting up from the squashed box. He looked around for another window that would potentially be easier to get the tarp off of.

"We can't reach them, Cartman."

"What about the air vents?" Cartman asked, climbing on top of a lone box and looking around. The dim yellow lights flickered, but it would be easier to see when the lights got brighter in the morning.

"I don't think we can reach those either." Kyle said, spotting one of the aforementioned air vents. "And I honestly doubt we can get out through there. They're to small."

"Eh, are you saying I'm fat!" Cartman exclaimed, looking at the Jew

Kyle shook his head. "I won't fit in there, what make's you think you will."

"You still haven't answered my question, Kahl"

"Well, you are fat." Kyle said bluntly

"I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!" Cartman exclaimed

"I can't wait to get out of here." Kyle said, and walked away from the angry fat kid.

_In front of Kyle's house_...

"Mmph ere Stmph" Kenny said, peering through the living room windows of the Brofloski residence.

"I can see that." Stan said

"Sho, where do we rook now?" the City Wok Guy asked, looking at the two nine year olds.

"They could be at Butter's house, or Tweek's" Stan said, sighing and sitting on the front steps. "They could have gone to the school, or the Community Center, or Stark's pond. Hell, they could be everywhere"

"Mmph smph iff mph" Said Kenny, grinning

"Wha'd he shay?" asked the City Wok guy, not having understood Kenny's words

Stan ignored the City Wok guy and Kenny, thinking of where everyone could be. With a sigh, he stood up again and said. "We'll just have to check everyone's house I guess."

The three of them started walking when they heard a crash somewhere. They ran to where they'd heard the noise and found a broken window at the pharmacy.

"Who's there?" Stan asked, hoping it was Kyle, or at least someone who knew where he was.

A voice from inside called, saying. "You wanna get high?"

**

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well, there it is, Ch. 2. And I changed my mind, Kenny's gonna keep dying till ch. 10 or so, probably. Don't worry, the regular characters will keep appearing, I just won't say when. anyway, I'm sorry if it sucks**

**CWG: it's sucktastic**

**Me: but please review so that I know what you think. **

**And coming chapter 3, the return of the Towelie. And remember, the more reviews I get, the faster I'll (hopefully) update. :)**


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